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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4766584
Review #4766584
Viewing a review of:
 Forever and Always  [13+]
My life from 8th-12th grade. Five of the most important years of my development.
by Nathan Zimmerman
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Nathan,

This is a wonderful chapter. The title is enigmatic and attention grabbing. It tells the reader very little about what the chapter is actually about. They are intrigued and will begin to read immediately to find out more. You launch into the chapter without introduction or preamble. This takes all the reader's attention and focuses it completely on the topic and the chapter. They will read to the last word. You have written about the time you spent in 8th Grade. The reader is delighted with the look they get at you as a person as well as a writer. The length is perfect. You completely develop your topic without belaboring the issue and making the chapter tedious. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:

1)In a few places you have neglected to put commas before coordinating conjunctions. You should remember to consistently do this to keep your writing clear for your reader.

You use a formal, organized style that is very appealing to the reader. Great job.

The WDC Army Angels
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/28/2024 @ 7:20pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4766584