Hi werden

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion.


Positives

I think you did a really great job with this piece, particularly your ability to capture the feeling of interacting with someone who struggles with Alzheimers or general senility. It can be a really devastating experience, and you captured that well through Bill's experience. I also like that you tied the story into a greater sense of obligation and a debate about regret, so it felt more significant and weightier than just an anecdote about the last time a character visits their grandmother.


Suggestions

There was a part early in the story that threw me as I was reading:


I think it was the combination of using the "beaming at him" stage direction twice in a row, combined with the non-sequitur where she remarks on his appearance then immediately changes course. Because of the repetition of phrasing, I wasn't sure if that non-sequitur was intentional (i.e., grandma just changed the subject like she's prone to do), or if there's actually a piece of the narrative missing there.


Overall

Overall, I thought this piece was well-written and really touching, especially for anyone who's experienced this kind of loss with a loved one. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .