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Review #4761765
Viewing a review of:
 Ill-Timed Open in new Window. [E]
Can a bad morning really lead to a bad future? (written 4 Journey through Genres-Mystery)
by AliceLvs2Write Author Icon
Review of Ill-Timed  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

That was a rather strange morning! Sheila did seem to have the tendency to be a little overly emotional, at least that’s how she came across when she rattled off all the things that went wrong that day. But she actually had a good reason, and I can only imagine what it would be like to be in that situation. I was surprised the boss didn’t send her home - at least at the beginning, she didn’t seem fit to do her job, which was quite understandable. She pulled herself together though, only to have the rug pulled out from under her again, twice - the first time by the police, the second time by Olive’s text message.

I wondered if Olive had anything to do with Sheila’s story when she seemed to be equally unsettled at the start of the call, but then, when she described a rather average bad morning, I dismissed the idea. It amplified the kind of trauma Sheila had been through, and I figured Olive was just being dramatic. It was only when the police officers turned up that I realised I had been right the first time. The hints were there, like when she said it wasn’t the right time for her to have children, but I ignored them.


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was quite polished and I only noticed a few small errors:

when they ambulance left
“the” ambulance

my boss started at me
“stared”

Is the baby, okay?
I don’t think you need the comma there.

You're welcome, Olivia.
“Olive”

I slowly wander back to my office and slump down in my chair and give my head a small shake as.
The story was written in past tense but here, you suddenly switched to present tense. Also, I don’t think the last word should be there. Possibly left over from a previous edit?


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I feel like I should have seen it coming but I didn’t, so well done! The story ended rather mysteriously as well, and it would be a good opening to a longer tale where you could reveal how it all continues. I can’t imagine that Sheila would end up taking care of the baby, but it’s an interesting idea to speculate about. I enjoyed the read!




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