\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4759219
Review #4759219
Viewing a review of:
 Dementia - Daily flash comp Open in new Window. [E]
The tragedy of forgetting you lived once
by Michael Author Icon
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*




*PenB* First Impressions:

That was a tragic story. The readers felt for Josie as she briefly remembered, and then forgot again. That paragraph with her memories was particularly poignant, and it sounds like she had a very happy life, only she couldn’t remember any of it, except in that one, short moment. There is something to be said for her also forgetting that she forgot. I would imagine it to be even worse if she knew that something was wrong, that she was missing a piece of herself, but fortunately, she was spared that. Once she forgot, she didn’t know that she once had a loving family, a beautiful house, and hobbies that made her happy. All she knew was that she had to find her teddy, and once she found it, all was well in her mind.


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was well written and I only noticed two, tiny errors:

"What is it Josie?"
I believe there should be a comma after “it” to set off the direct address.

walked past the nurse to an arm chair
Should that be one word, “armchair”?

The only other suggestion I have is to choose two more genres in addition to ‘Contest Entry’ which doesn’t give the readers much of an idea what this story is. Something like ‘Drama’ and ‘Emotional’ would probably work.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I liked the story even though it was sad. I think you captured the essence of this illness very well, and you did it in a very sympathetic way that made the readers empathise with the main character. The nurse was also well drawn, patient and helpful, which isn’t always the case - again, it seemed that, all things considered, the main character was lucky.

I always find it interesting to see what inspired a story, and I think you used the prompts well. Overall, I thought this was a very good story.




Our Main Image for the Group~Click here to join!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/03/2025 @ 4:58am EST
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4759219