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 Review #4759027 |
 | The World in Spooky's eyes  [13+] A short story of the World in Spooky's eyes..  |
| (3.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: You clearly like music! I saw a different piece in your portfolio which was inspired by a Beatles song, and you have quoted lots of song titles and lyrics in this story. I was so engrossed in recognising the songs that at one point, I had to go back and reconnect with the story because I hadn’t paid attention. I wonder if this was written for a contest where you were supposed to use song titles, or if you came up with the idea. It was certainly quite original, if occasionally distracting. The story had an unfinished feel to it and you might have been planning to continue it at one point. The girl, who had always liked dark things, ended up dancing with the devil, but then the story ended rather abruptly with the angels telling her who her dance partner was, and it was unclear what became of her after that. It seemed like there should be more to come.  Suggestions: This is not a new story so you’re probably not interested in edits, and I saw on your main page that you have asked readers to overlook spelling and grammar mistakes, so I’m not going to list them here. The easiest way to get rid of them though would be to use a word processing programme which would point most of the obvious ones out to you. It doesn’t have to be a special writing programme - even something as simple as Word would do the trick. It doesn’t catch all of them, but it would help make your story look more professional.  Final Thoughts: I think you had an interesting idea here, but the presentation let the story down a bit and made it hard to read. I still think it would be worth editing it though and finishing it, if you remember where you were going to go with it - like I said, the story is quite old and you might have newer projects you want to concentrate on rather than picking up an old one. I liked how you incorporated the lyrics and titles into the tale, and I had fun finding them all. Some of them brought back memories, and there were a couple I’m going to listen to again.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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