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 Review #4758681 |
 | The Ruins of Kasic  [E] A short shots short story. Word count 1404  |
| (3.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: At first, the story I had in my head was a little like a One Thousand and One Nights tale, with a palace that was buried for a thousand years and when it got discovered, there were two people who remembered being there, back then. But the story took a different turn, one I hadn’t expected at all. It all seemed to fit together at the beginning - Maggie knew something about this palace as soon as she heard about it, and Dex had known exactly where to dig for it, but he didn’t have an explanation for how he knew this. It was only when Maggie explained it to him that he seemed to remember. But it wasn’t an Arabian Nights tale but rather a Game of Thrones story, with Dex and Maggie being Lord and Lady Greyjoy. You didn’t explain how exactly this was possible, if this was a memory from a previous life and their souls had been reborn and through the old house found each other again. The readers had to suspend disbelief either way, so it wasn’t really important.  Suggestions: This is not a new story so you’re probably not interested in edits and I won’t waste your time listing errors. Just in general though, I would suggest proofreading your work because there were quite a few recurring typos, like missing words (for example here, She tired which should be, She is tired). Also, you might want to check the punctuation in the dialogue. When a sentence continues with a dialogue tag after the speech, there should be a comma at the end of the speech and the sentence should continue with a lowercase letter. For example, "I remember some of these things." She slowly stated should be, "I remember some of these things," she slowly stated.  Final Thoughts: It would have been interesting to see the picture prompt for the contest this was written for. I’m always curious what inspired a story, and the problem with Short Shots and other official contests is that they rotate and the prompts disappear. I assume it was an image of an old building, or perhaps the necklace. You had an interesting idea here with a twist that was quite unexpected. The two main characters had a unique backstory and you turned it into an intriguing tale.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 06/24/2024 @ 9:38pm EDT