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Review #4758005
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I’ve read both sections of your story so far, and it’s going pretty good. I’m not used to this particular type of “void” story, in fact I hardly read fantasy or sci-fi at all except for what I find here (honestly, it’s been many years since I’ve read fiction extensively at all, so forgive me if I have no idea what’s going on with your story as it relates to common tropes of the genre…)

You’ve set up an intriguing situation, where we are plunged into a boy’s actions to support and protect his family without pausing to explain the context, leaving us to pick up on clues as to what’s going on and what sort of setting it is. We have lots of potential for goals, stakes and obstacles which could be set up in further chapters, and a definite cliffhanger as the boy appears to have been sent from the Void world into what could be the real world, where perhaps he could attempt to reunite his family.

Your hero needs to be a well rounded character, dealing with both internal and external conflict. He needs an internal flaw, weakness or struggle to overcome along with the external obstacles in his way. This will form a connection with readers and give them a reason to be invested in the growth and development arc of your character.

Then, the forces he’s fighting against could perhaps be more meaningful and relatable if they are somehow personified. How is the “Void” created and sustained? Is there a powerful “wizard” behind it? How are the people “constructed” and how are they chosen to “leave the Void?” All great heroes need a strong counterforce, and the enemy is easier to visualize as a character of some kind, preferably a well rounded one with backstory and some one element which could make us sympathize with him rather than a cardboard cutout.

You’ve left us with lots of questions and potential for exciting adventures and memorable characters. (Oh, a side note: it’s recommended that all main characters should have names that start with a different letter to avoid confusion. You’ve introduced a bunch of characters who all sort of jumble together as the boy’s siblings…)

A quick note on formatting: Size 4 Verdana font is highly recommended here, utilized by clicking on the line of editing boxes at the top of your text entry box. Paragraphs should also be double spaced, and all dialogue needs to be set off on separate lines.

I look forward to reading more from you. This is a great start. If you need further feedback, you can contact Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon and ask him for a review. I’ve learned a lot from him. You can also post your item in "Please Review" Open in new Window. and "The Shameless "Plug" Page" Open in new Window. for people to read and review.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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