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Review #4756807
Viewing a review of:
 Burned Open in new Window. [E]
She was on the trail of an arsonist...but was she getting too close?
by OldGuyThinker Author Icon
Review of Burned  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

That was a great twist! I enjoyed thinking one thing for most of the story and then finding it was something else. You kept Margaret’s identity a secret until a few paragraphs from the end, when it suddenly became clear who she was and why she had an interest in this ‘story’ and why she liked the diversity and excitement of her job. The part with the senator was nicely done - a seemingly unimportant headline at the beginning of the story, until the end.

Personally, I liked how you wrote the paragraphs from the points of view of the two different characters. It worked for this story because the readers got to see both their thoughts and motivations. Generally people seem to prefer third person limited, where the narrator only knows the thoughts and feelings of one character, and lots of stories are written in that way so I found this quite unusual and enjoyable.


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was obviously well edited and I only have one, small suggestion. In the second paragraph, you say Margaret watched the street below and a couple of sentences later she thought her spot was an excellent vantage point from which to observe the street below. The repetition here was quite noticeable and I would suggest changing one of the phrases to something else.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

There were some nice details. I’ve already mentioned the senator, but I also like how she slid her hands into her coat pockets as she started to follow him. It made me think that was a strange thing to do, considering she might need her hands free to fight or take a picture with the camera. Later on, you revealed that this wasn’t just a line to add a few more words to the story but there was a reason for her doing this, which was nicely done.

I enjoyed this story; it was well written and had an unexpected ending. I’m glad I came across it!




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