Hello Jim Hall

First Impression: And this is where things go a route that isn't my preference. Okay, I don't read much m/f romance erotica and by that I mean, out of 175 stories read this year, all of them were m/m. The bigger thing here is the vampire element. I have never been able to get into vampires.An occasional shifter story has included one and I've made it through but not the type of character to draw me in. However, that is all very personal preference. We'll move past that to discuss the story in relation to the assignment since I'm taking the basics in erotica class with you.

There is quite a dynamic little situation that comes up from the prompt. The vampire main character gets a little feisty here, when he goes for a date and gets a surprise that he doesn't like.


Prompt/Assignment: This was an interesting starting point that we all needed to do for the class. We started with a little peek into a good after work moment. Now we're at what happens on a date and well, things didn't go well when there was some flirting going on in your story. You took an interesting approach with the character involved with the flirting being a coworker or someone work related. He did not handle it well and I have to wonder how things will move on from that point for them to get to the erotica side of what we're doing here.

Even if it's not the type of story I'd go for you did really well with taking the prompt for the assignment and putting it into action. It makes sense for this one assignment. it would be a challenge to connect some of the stories into a big one overall, but we probably don't need to do that.


Characters/Story: Nice work transitioning to the different character so we got an insight into the male character's point of view. Would be hard to showcase the particular details of vampires the way they exist in the world of the story without having to be told in dialogue when it came up with the female character.

I did have a couple of questions relating to her inviting the other guy on the "date" and after he left. Did she want the other guy to leave? Because based off her comment, it almost seems like he was bothering her so she brought him along with the hopes that the lover would make him leave. But then she wants to know why he's acting so jealous.

Was the man really a threat? If he was effeminate and a designer... Well, I guess jealousy would get in the way even if the other guy wasn't really that much of a threat. However, it would have been nice to get more information because that part seems to go really quick. It's a minimal threat, snarl and poof, gone.

Did he just announce that he was a vampire out in public when arguing? Does this mean that people know about vampires? Cause she didn't seem to really know or have reason to believe at first.

When she is realizing his truth, it gets a little bit into her POV instead of his with the paragraph about her not feeling his heartbeat.


Final Thoughts: Overall, you did a good job with the assignment. It does come off as not finished with the end, but since we are using the same characters for 6 assignments, that make sense. We don't need complete end story, so having things hanging is fine. You do a good job showing the reader some information about Ted as a character when put in an unpleasant situation.

Good luck with the next set of assignments. It will be interesting to see where things go with the class.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .