Hello, Jim Hall .

Since we're both taking the Basics for Erotica class, I'm going to give you a review as a fellow student. This is just my impression and opinion. Good luck with developing the characters and the erotica side of the story through this class. It will be interesting to see how things pan out over the next few assignments.

First Impression: A nice approach to a bad day prompt with the start of an erotica class where the assignment wanted a specific amount of intimacy that was not yet in the range of what is expected for an erotic story. If that sentence made sense... I mean, a good approach to trying to show some of the senses like touch and bring us slowly into the world of the characters, based on what was assigned.

Prompt: The bad day was an interesting choice for a prompt. I may have to use it some time over in the Weekly Quickie since it works for either romance or erotica when it comes to the possible content that could come from the idea. There are different ways a character can handle the rough day, which we see in how the writer decides to showcase that element. Like we both mentioned keys, but for your character it was getting from the lock while I had my character find the sound of the lock annoying. Same topic but different approach, which helps make things interesting.

Characters/Story: We get a little introduction to the characters in what could be put in a less than 1,000 word story. With some of the dialogue, they remind me of those kind of annoying couples who are often using pet names and saying how much they love each other. Does come off as a somewhat newer couple. Not brand new, since they live together but not overly seasoned either.

We get a little bit of the bad day but this definitely focuses more on the recovery. I almost wondered why the door shut so soft since I already knew about the prompt and was expecting something a little stronger. Maybe it had to do with the type of door or maybe it is what she found more satisfying. She could have not wanted loud noises, as I know I am not a fan of loudness and getting over stimulated. Just hard to say with the information provided. It's probably okay that you focused more on the recovery. If we had another 1000 words, I would add more about the day and the frustration part to balance things out but for what we had to work with, you did well.


Other Notes: Some random things you could consider but it's definitely up to you. Like I know this is for assignments in the class, not a contest, but you might want to consider a word count placed at the very bottom of the static item. It just helps so the instructor knows the requirement was followed. For my class, I would ask for that because it is helpful even though I can copy and paste into an online word counter. It's just more convenient to already have it available in the item but in a place that won't distract from the story.

There is a spot where Ted has a line of dialogue and it's sort of spaced weird. Like there is a single enter used between the tag/action and the actual spoken words, which doesn't need to be that way. It stands out because none of the other ones are done that way. A very easy fix though.

Nice work with the challenge and good luck with the class. Now I'm curious how the date out will go (since I looked ahead at the next assignment). Could be fun...







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .