*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4754867
Review #4754867
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Review of The Magic of Spring for The Red Wheelbarrow Spring Chickens poetry contest
Merit Badge in Red Wheelbarrow Poetry [Click For More Info] Congratulations on your new merit badge! Thank you for supporting the Writing.Com community with your inspirations, participation and activities. We sincerely appreciate it! -SMs
Thank You for your entry!


Hello Ashok Banerjee,

Your poem, "The Magic of Spring " , beautifully captures the essence of the season with vivid imagery and a heartfelt tone. The use of nature’s vibrant colors and sounds, like “lush green outfield” and “the sound of honey-bees,” effectively evokes the freshness and liveliness of spring without directly mentioning it. This adherence to the prompt's challenge is commendable.

The poem’s form is simple yet effective, with short, clear lines that convey the joy and hope of the season. The direct address to a loved one adds a personal and intimate layer, making the experience of spring feel shared and relational.

To enhance your poem’s impact, you might consider expanding on sensory details. For instance, describing the “colourful flowers” in more specific terms — perhaps mentioning particular flowers or their scents — could deepen immersion. The line “Take away my mind / To you, my love” could be rephrased smoother for flow, like: “My mind drifts to you, my love.”

Showing vs. Telling: You did lean into telling more than showing Spring. Phrases like "Spring, the Queen of all seasons," and "Comes again with joy and hope" are declarative and tell about the season rather than evoke through imagery or sensory details.
:
Examples:
Telling: "Spring, the Queen of all seasons, Comes again with joy and hope."
Showing: "Lush green outfield, Colourful flowers mesmerize us."
This line begins to show visually but could be expanded to include more sensory details.

To show more effectively, incorporate more specific images and sensory experiences…like, describe the (feel)ing of the warm sun on skin, (smell) of blooming flowers, or (sound) of ees buzzing. We like to experience those words fully.

Overall, your poem effectively captures the rejuvenation and joy of spring. With a few refinements, I’m sure it could offer an even richer sensory experience for your readers. Thank you again for your wonderful entry.

Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/02/2024 @ 12:42am EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4754867