%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4754047 |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: This story was action-packed but more important than that was the personal aspect, the friendship between the two men. They grew up together and since Ray’s father and grandfather had served in the Navy and he intended to follow in their footsteps, naturally his friend followed him. Their closeness came across very well when they had their chat two days before the attack. There were some details that were a little over my head - my military knowledge is limited and mostly comes from history books, so I am by no means an expert, like you. Most of the terminology meant something to me, not all of it, but I could figure out what I wasn’t familiar with because you explained it all well enough. My dad was an engineer in the merchant navy so that part sounded very familiar!  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I didn’t notice any spelling or other errors. You did capitalise some words or put them in all caps, like ZERO, and I assume this was a choice to make the words stand out but I wasn’t sure if that was necessary. I noticed that the part of the dialogue that people were shouting was in all caps as well, and when the gun captain was issuing orders, you additionally put those words in red. Again, I don’t think you needed to do that - the context of the scene and the exclamation mark already indicated the urgency of those lines. I do have one question, regarding the Zero that was carrying a 500 pound bomb. That would have done an awful lot of damage to an aircraft carrier or a battleship if hit right. This was a destroyer which didn’t carry a lot of armour and was small in comparison. Wouldn’t the bomb have torn it apart? You didn’t say what happened to the ship after the impact; all that is implied is that Harrison didn’t make it as he was right underneath, so off-camera, the ship might have sunk, but I don’t think that’s where you were going with this. It’s just something I was wondering as I got to that part.  Final Thoughts: The story ended rather abruptly, but I thought that was well done. Apart from an indication what would happen to the ship (and it might just be me; someone who knows more about it might know if the ship would sink or not and wouldn’t need the explanation) there was nothing left to say. Harrison, who was previously happy that he would be somewhere a little cooler, had lost his life and his friend was devastated. It was a sad but fitting ending.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 05/27/2024 @ 10:53pm EDT