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![]() | But...I'm The Umpire! ![]() Writing 4 Kids Contest ![]() |
Greetings! I am reviewing this today as one of the judges for the "Writing 4 Kids-CLOSED till Spring" ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Jessie's name was pulled out of a bag to flip the coin for the World Series, but after he flips it, he can't find the coin. Where did it go? ![]() ![]() You've done a superb job with your characters, Jessie and Macie, who are siblings. Jessie is the older brother, while Macie is the typical little sister who adores her brother and follows him around. ![]() You've obviously been around children. ![]() ![]() The story begins in the home of brother-and-sister, Jessie and Macie, and then switches over to the baseball field. You have some nice descriptions here. I actually felt like I was in the middle of The Great American Ballpark while Jessie nervously flipped that coin! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() There was a lot to like about this story, so it's hard to pick out favorites. I think I like that Macie, who wanted to be a part of the baseball event with her brother, found the coin in the end, grabbed the microphone from Mr. Castellini after he announced it was heads, and yelled, "PLAY BALL!" to the crowd. ![]() ![]() You've got some great visuals going on in this piece. You also include many senses, which brings the story depth. This is very well-written and with a few tweaks here and there, a keeper, for sure! Even though you went over the word count limit, I'm glad you entered this contest. It's a fun read and shows you definitely have a gift at writing for children. ![]() Best of luck in the contest... Have a great day and... ![]() K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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