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Review #4750999
Viewing a review of:
 The Reaper's Debt Open in new Window. [13+]
Oh, if only I could take back my actions last Saturday...
by Joto-Kai Author Icon
Review of The Reaper's Debt  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

That was a good story, or start of a story. It has an unfinished feel to it, like it was written as a teaser or perhaps the beginning of a first chapter or a longer tale. I hope it’s not finished because I want to know what happens next. Does Alan go through with it, does he kill his old friend and somehow bring his children back? Does he change his mind, or is it already too late, has he set some events in motion even he can’t stop? And who is he, who are they? So many questions! *Laugh*

I got quite invested in these characters’ fate. I’m assuming that our first person narrator who told this story in past tense doesn’t actually die at the end, but it doesn’t look good for him. He was likeable despite his mistake. He owned up to it, anyway, even though he was planning to keep it a secret but then found that he couldn’t. His punishment certainly seemed harsh, but then, the readers could empathise with Alan as well as he has just found out his children had been killed, possibly - the readers can’t be certain at this stage because the narrator, while suspecting it, doesn’t seem to be sure. It was a very interesting scene.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I noticed a couple small errors:

I studied his face any hint of accusation.
There seemed to be a word missing. “for any hint” maybe?

I struggled not cry.
Again, just a missing word. “struggled not to cry”.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I wish there had been more to this story. You introduced a few interesting concepts, like the portals, other worlds, the Oneira which, presumably, had something to do with dreams - it was all very intriguing and then ended too soon. The writing was very good, and there were a few real gems, like the way Alan checked his watch and his phone and then found himself unsatisfied with what his modern artifacts were telling him. You set the scene well, and if you ever wanted to continue this, you have a couple of well-drawn characters here that were very interesting to read about.




** Image ID #2154080 Unavailable **


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