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 Review #4750635 |
 | The Truth About Thantia  [18+] Some Leaders were the same. They would do whatever it took to stay the leader.  |
| (3.5)| Hi PureSciFi ,I am reviewing your short story, "The Truth About Thantia" , as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering, and good luck!This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.What I liked: Your imagination.  I have to admit to not knowing an awful lot about the SciFi genre, so I apologise if I show any ignorance in this review. Firstly, though, what struck me was how much like a 21st century press conference the meeting is. It reminded me of politicians campaigning, or giving Covid updates, in the way Thantia took questions from the Information Specialists (who seemed like journalists) on the floor. That really appealed to me. The way, also, Thantia was not honest, and was prepared to do anything to gain, or keep, power was very reminiscent of most politicians in this day and age. So, I liked the parallels with today's society. I loved Vancent. When you first described him by saying he, " ...hovered near the next level up ..." I sat up and took notice. I wanted to know who he was, what he was, how come he could hover. It was a great hook to keep your reader wanting to find out more. I really liked the relationship he quickly built up with Karrena. I would quite like my own Helper sometimes! The way Karenna and Vancent could communicate with thoughts is fab. Also, the use of Karrena's Palm Monitor made me smile. I wonder if this is the next step up from the tablets we use today?Suggestions: "'Unfortunately, I disagree with you.' Doggan returned to looking at Karrena." I didn't realise Doggan had stopped looking at Karrena, so this threw me a little. Also, there were a few times where it wasn't clear who was speaking. For example, "I don’t see anything." This is between Thantia and Plaic. I think Thanktia says this, but in the next paragraph, you have her turning to face Plaic, and speaking. You didn't need to start a new paragraph, if it was Thantia speaking above. It confuses the speaking a little. In the following place, you switch tense briefly: "Just then Thantia enters that meeting room." The story is told in the past tense, so this switch jumps out. Finally, I don't understand the last paragraph. I've read it through a few times, but this doesn't make sense: "It hasn’t been Karrena who has been watching and listening to you." Who said that? And to whom? Is it Vancent speaking? To Thantia? or is it Doggan, Karrena's boss? I just didn't get it, I'm afraid. Parting comments: This is an enjoyable story. Although I don't read a lot of science fiction, I was impressed with your imagination, and I very much felt a part of this world. Thank you for sharing. Choconut
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