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 Review #4749608 |
 | peaceful day  [13+] this is about a girl who has too much on her mind.  |
| (4.0)| Greetings and welcome to writing.com! You have a lot of potential here to create a powerful story or poem. As it stands, it’s a sketch, a vignette, a sampling of what could be. We see a young lady, lonely, confused and preoccupied, but we know little about who she is or what her background is. There is no point to the story, no beginning, middle, or end. You need the magic formula of “goals, stakes and obstacles” to propel the narrative and makes us invested in the story. We invest in characters because we want to see them grow and change as they overcome obstacles to reach their goals under pressure. I know this sounds trite, but when you stop to think you realize most stories are built this way. That’s if you want it to be a story. If you’re aiming for a poem, it can be much more simple. Poetry is a highly subjective art form that allows plenty of leeway for creative license. You can rearrange the lines to flow further down the page, add more emotional “feely” words, more atmosphere, more philosophical musings, whatever. If the lady you speak of is similar to yourself, it might come more easily to pour your heart out into a poem than to force the feelings and thoughts into a more “sensible” narrative. Then again, it’s also okay if you’re just tossing this out as a rough idea to be developed later on. Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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