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 Review #4749522 |
 |  | How To Make Gold  [E] A young scientist in the lab  |
| (4.5)| Hi Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏 Thank you for entering your poem into "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" . I am Look out! Choco's Nuts Mwahaha, one of the contest judges for the October round. I am reviewing your poem, "How To Make Gold" , in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army" .Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful. First Impressions: This is a great poem that made me laugh out loud in places. I love the humour in it. The way you tell a story through your poetry really appeals to me. Voice/Tone: The narrative voice is warm and funny. The tone of the poem, while speaking of Sam's endeavours and his problems and triumphs, is light and not-too serious. It makes for a great, entertaining read. Mechanics: This poem is not any set form, buy you do have a consistent rhyme scheme of abab, cdcd, etc. This rhyme helps to move the poem along at a great pace, and it also helps to set the light-hearted tone. Rhythm: Mostly, the rhythm is good, but there are places where it is a little bumpy. I would suggest you just count the syllables and the stresses on each line. Read the poem out loud. That will help you to hear where the rhythm is off. I have a few suggestions, and I'll note them under the 'Suggestions' heading. My Favourite Part: The humour is fab. I love the end, where you say Sam shared out his money "like beans." In terms of poetically, I like the first few lines the best. They have a perfect rhythm and rhyme, and they are smooth and fluid. This really hooked me. I was intrigued to see where Sam's story would take me. Suggestions: Firstly, "Whom he knew" should be who. I will put my suggestions for meter in a dropnote for your convenience. Suggestions for Rhythm / Meter ▼ I also have a question. I didn't understand, "Because gold to one person is dead." I'm not sure what it means. Thanks for sharing your poem. I really enjoyed reading it. Most importantly, keep writing! Choconut   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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"He always finds things o'er which to mull" - This isn't too big an issue, but it is too many syllables. Something like, "He finds things over which to mull" would be smoother.
You responded to this review 05/03/2024 @ 7:32pm EDT