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Review #4749305
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 Fill in the blanks Open in new Window. [E]
Eight line poem
by Sumojo Author Icon
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Sumojo Author Icon

I am reviewing this poem for Week 18 of "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.. The review is written in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: When I saw the prompt, I thought how good it would be to write a poem based on it. And then I tried to think of something, and I realised it wasn't so easy as I thought. However, you have done a great job with it. It is a great direction to take the prompt. I imagine, it was unique.

Voice/Tone: The narrative voice sounds as though you have written from your heart. I absolutely believed that this was you sharing your own opinions. And, I have to admit, I understand and agree wholeheartedly. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could just be accepting of one another, no matter the region of race?

Mechanics: I don't think this poem is any set form, but you do have an abab, cdcd rhyme scheme that works really well. The only thing I would say is, because of the rhymes, it feels as though the lines should be of an even length and meter, but, sometimes, it feels a little uneven. It doesn't throw off the rest of the poem, though. It still flows nicely.

My Favourite Part: The last line is fantastic, and I think (I hope) it reflects the feelings of many people: "Where love abounds and the World unites." I also love the last line of the first stanza: "As I float among the stars and space." This feels calm and peaceful. It's a lovely image.

Suggestions: Personally, I would make a slight change. In the third line of the first verse, you say, "A place with anything that I desire." As you have just said "a place" in the previous line, I would change this second one to, "Somewhere."

I really like this poem. Thanks for sharing.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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