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Review #4747923
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A Green Christmas  Open in new Window. [E]
Timmy's been bad, but learns a lesson from a Christmas Eve visitor
by Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window., I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

An amusing story we have here, of a bad boy learning a lesson from his favorite Star Wars characters on Christmas. It was well written for a first draft, with little details that brought it to life. I don’t know much about Star Wars, but I chuckled at the way you captured Yoda’s unusual language patterns.

The story is simple and memorable. Timmy stands out somewhat from the usual young brat because he seems to be more manipulative, perhaps indeed brighter. If he were older I would almost say he displays psychopathic tendencies, but he does repent nicely at the end and resolve to do better, encouraged by Yoda.

There are instances when reviewing where I feel tongue tied… what am I supposed to say? You incorporated the target word quite well by putting it in the mouth of one who talks strangely anyway. A little tweaking, tidying up perhaps, and you could probably submit this to a holiday contest someday.

I usually recommend Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. You could also move the background section to a dropnote, either at the top or the bottom.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/25/2024 @ 1:11pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4747923