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 Review #4747858 |
 | The Last Train Ticket  [13+] Tanner inherits a train ticket.  |
| (5.0)  The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Hello, Beholden !  I'm stopping by to read your latest "The Writer's Cramp" entry! I see you only had a title as the prompt. I think you did a great job with surrounding it with a mysterious story about the train ticket. I thought the first paragraph did a good job with drawing me in to read more. I think it set the scene with a mystery about who the great uncle was and it also set the scene for the mystery to continue. I really like the structure of the story because it didn't give too much away too soon. I honestly just about died at the ending.  I think the horror genre would describe it nicely. Lol! I know what it's been like to write for GoT, so there were a couple of typos, but I'm still giving you full stars because I know you will edit this story a few times--probably.  I think it's a matter of typing too fast! This sentence needs attention: THe room was quite crowded with people sitting and standing everywhere in front of a desk, where sat a man looking at a document spread out before him.  First the word, [The] and then I'm not sure if the last part needs to be reworded...maybe, something like this: ...a desk, where [a man sat] looking... There also this little slip to look at: Conversa\tion broke out... I enjoyed reading your mystery story! I will tell you, though, it's going to take me a long time to recover from the ending. Well done! Lornda My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/25/2024 @ 10:26am EDT