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Review #4747450
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The Devil's Rope - Chapter One Open in new Window. [13+]
"The First Chapter" Contest
by Chrys O'Shea Author Icon
Review by JayNaNoOhNo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!



Hello, Chrys O'Shea!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
The story offers a strong sense of place and character, promising a narrative rich in detail and dark secrets.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
The title fits well with the story's themes, suggesting all things rope and devil-related: entanglement, danger, and possibly betrayal. The description as an introductory chapter prepares the reader for the unfolding of significant events and information.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
You've effectively established a strong sense of atmosphere and tension with well-built characters and a solid plot that hooks the reader immediately with its detailed setting and the immediate introduction of conflict and mystery. The plot thickens quickly, and the tension escalates appropriately. It's a compelling storyline.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
You have great characters. They are believable, and the dialogue feels natural. It conveys the urgency of the story dynamics and helps move the story forward.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
This is well-written and appropriately descriptive, which enhances the mood and setting. There are a few spots where the sentence structure could be revisited, but it's minor. The story remained immersive throughout.

Minor quibbles aside, you have some exceptional writing in here:

As if the clouds were unzipped, they opened, and the rain, once scarce, began filling the barren streams, turning them into turbulent rivers.

Though the summer's drought had left its mark, the knee-high brown grass swayed gently in the soft but troubled Chinook Winds, causing it to ripple like the ocean's waves flowing towards and gently embracing the shore.

Some people might say it's too flowery, and that's okay because some people are sometimes wrong. *Smile*

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
The chapter promises a story full of twists and emotional depth, making it a promising start to what could be a deeply engaging novel.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

JayNaNoOhNo Author Icon*Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.



The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/23/2024 @ 5:09pm EDT
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