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 Review #4747363 |
 | Fishermen of the Creek  [E] Two fishermen fish and catch more than just fish from it.  |
| (5.0)   I hope you find my comments helpful. Please use this link to see how I rate an item."Comment-In-A-Box" HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY! Here's hoping for many more. I'm not a fisherman, in fact, fishing is the last activity I would choose, but that's why I chose this story to review as part of the Game of Thrones activity. The opening paragraph of a story is important, it's where you pull your reader into the tale. Therefore, great care should be taken to make this paragraph as precise and correct at possible. You wrote: Wind blew. It coursed through the grass. It sang a song of gusts and screamed. Wind blew, and was felt. The lily turned with the wind. The flower faced at a young child who was staring at it, with his back against the clouds. To make this a bit more precise, I suggest beginning with: The wind blew and screamed through the grass. A lily turned with the wind, facing a young boy who stared at it with his back against the clouds. The characters are brothers and you show that relationship well. Danny is older and a bit less interested in the little things Micky is, and you show that well. Danny is more interested in fishing, and Mick is more interested in finding unusual things to bring back to his mother. The boy's dialogue is appropriate for the characters and the story. The story world is well-described. I really liked the ending where Mick says how much he cares for his older brother. Apparently Danny made quite an impression on him with his fishing knowledge. I did wonder why they were having chicken for dinner. I thought they'd fry up the fresh fish. This is an interesting story. Good description with a happy, surprise ending. Thank you for sharing your writing. Bikerider This review has been submitted to "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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