"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Angelica

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Little Bat

First Impression: Interesting collection of stories about Little Bat and her adventures. Ot looks like it might be a collection of stories for children.

What needs your attention: You have a lot of filter words that slow the pacing of your story. Like for instance here- When she made it to the beach Roger the hermit crab-- when is a filter word that is unnecessary. The author could simply say. She made it to beach. Roger the hermit crab called out to her.
There are a lot of long sentences as well that slow the pacing. In that one sentence I used for an example I changed the pacing and eliminated the filter words without changing what information you wrote.
Children are rambunctious and long-winded sentences don't keep their attention either.

What part I liked best: Lightning and the little bat playing. And Little Bat sharing with Alicia about his day.

Overall impression: The story has potential but needs to be edited for unnecessary words to pick up the pacing.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .