\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4746820
Review #4746820
Viewing a review of:
 Date Night with El Presidente Open in new Window. [13+]
Date night doesn't go as planned for this greasy dictator.
by FaeThorned Author Icon
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
House Martell image for G.o.T.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of Date Night with El Presidente by FaeThorned Author Icon

This is an amusing little tale of a dictator's spoiled entertainment with the lady of his choice for the night. It rolls along smoothly enough, if a little predictably, and ends in el Presidente's comeuppance at the hands of a former wife. The writing is free of error and proceeds at an appropriate pace, leaving me with very little to carp about.

Though clearly told with intent not to be too serious (and succeeding at that), the story does feel a little flat. It was fairly clear that the dictator could not be allowed to enjoy his entire night of fun - there would be no story in that. So he was bound to be interrupted sooner or later, by revolution perhaps or discovery by a wife. This turned out to be the second choice, admittedly by a wife who was supposed to be dead, but that does stretch the belief a little and rather unnecessarily.

Short stories rely heavily for their attraction upon there being a twist or surprise in the ending. Other forms can spend time on description and characterisation to ensure readers stay hooked but short stories don't have time for that. So the twist is invariably the point and, as such, the more unexpected it is, the more effective. I felt that this one didn't quite make it in that regard.

Otherwise it's well told, amusing and certainly not offensive. Quite impressive when we remember that it's for the Cramp and has severe time constraints for the writer, therefore.

Review by
Small photo
Beholden

for




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4746820