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 Review #4745683 |
 |  | A Secret Worth Keeping  [18+] 3 friends share a life-altering secret on the 3rd of June, another sleepy, dusty Delta day  |
| Hallo Carol St.Ann ! I will be reviewing your work "A Secret Worth Keeping" for House Targaryen on behalf of "Game of Thrones"  Content: This is a short coming-of-age story about siblings, Tommy and Ruby, who - along with a childhood friend - come to share a secret that would change their relationship forever. Pluses: From the start of this story, you do a good job establishing the kind of relationship between the two siblings. There's the banter you'd expect from big brother teasing little sister, who resents being called 'Little Sister' by the way. What stands out to me is, of course, the dialect. I love that you stayed through to the way they would sound especially considering their location. I lived in Georgia, while in the States, so I could definitely relate to their drawl and Southern twang just fine. And because you don't really spend a lot of time with descriptions of the settings or their physical attributes, you get around that by injecting that into their conversation. Tommy sees himself as sexy, Ruby does not think so. Another thing to stand out to me is the use of imagery and the way you choose to describe somethings. For instance, this section: Momma waggled her finger at him and stepped backward into the house, the screen door creaking like a broken-hearted bullfrog. It clearly allows the reader to 'hear' that door closing. You also make use of other senses; the unbearable heat, the smell of sweat and dirt from their hard day's work, the scents from the kitchen as they prepare for dinner; all with your choice of words. One of the crucial elements of this story is the family dynamics. At the beginning of the story, we get a cryptic idea of why Tommy and Ruby want to leave the town, and it's further explained as we get to know of their relationship with their father. It might not be blatantly stated, but again, through dialogue we get to know that he is abusive to his children and just about everyone in the town knows it. Father is definitely not painted in a good light, and his attitude at the dinner table showcases that. His insensitive comments to the passing of a good friend (unbeknownst to him of course) is taken in stride despite the simmering resentment it breeds in his children. And then there's the introduction of the main plot for this story; the awakening of two teenage boys realizing they had feelings for one another. Liam - the third person in all of this - had apparently been 'dating' Ruby, but that was just for show for his true feelings were reserved for Tommy. Kudos to you for not going the typical route of having Ruby be jealous and resentful of that. Instead, she supports both boys throughout the years and covers up for their relationship as best she can. Which is why his sudden death is a tragic one for their plans to leave the town. Liam had been an important aspect of the plan. P.S: I liked the flashback scene that gives us an insight into how their relationship started in the first place. Setting it apart in italics was a nice touch. Fast-forward to three years later, and the siblings return home to an older mother and a father that's no longer there. However, they have not just come to visit mother for the sake of it, Tommy has to be brave enough to finally reveal the truth of who and what he really is to his mother. Ruby can only give him the silent encouragement he needs to get that done. I thought that was quite a 'quiet' way of doing it, for it is a moment that needs to be private between mother and son. Although something tells me that Mom might be more accepting than we give her credit for. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>Still, I wish you cold (could) stay longer.   So, aside from that one little nitpick, this was a wonderful and well-written story that I thoroughly enjoyed. Thanks so very much for sharing, and keep on writing!  Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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