\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745643
Review #4745643
Viewing a review of:
It Was All Her Fault Open in new Window. [E]
After a few drinks and a dare, stuck in a tree causes bigger problems than first thought.
by Jolly Jingle Jtpete Author Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.
 
Image Protector
GROUP
The Iron Bank of Braavos Open in new Window. (13+)
For G.o.T. Activity
#1994693 by Gaby Author IconMail Icon
"Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. Hello fellow writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: It Was All Her Fault
First Impression: I had to read to discover whose fault it could be. Okay, someone , the narrator, is stranded in a tree after a night of carousing. He cannot escape while a mountain lion prowls below. He considers several scenarios and settles upon lighting a fire to discourage an attack from the wild creature scoping him out. The ending is probably not a surprise. Fires can be deadly under any and all circumstances. At least the person is free of both the tree and a wild animal. He does retrieve his cell phone which is wonderful because he needs to call for firefighters.
What needs your attention: I do not believe you need the word 'though' in the opening sentence. "I didn't explain where everyone went." Should it be 'it' not 'I'? I suggest dropping the word 'and'. "I searched the bag again and all my pockets. I couldn't find it." It is not 'laying." It is 'lying.' The mountain lion is lying not laying. The final set of quotation marks is missing at the end of your final sentence. I am not sure this entire story needed to be written with quotation marks. We understand who is doing all the talking.
What I liked best: I appreciated the understated, subtle humour in this piece. The hero accepts he is in a dangerous predicament and he runs through various measures in his head. He decides upon a risky manoeuvre not anticipating the equally risky outcome. Burning boxers as a mountain lion deterrent is unique. I am assuming it was a successful ploy because the now unstranded speaker reminds the forest ranger he used his phone to call for help with his unintended fire.
Overall Impression: This is quite the tall tale and one to share at many future get-togethers. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.
(2001 characters)DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745643