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Review #4745449
Viewing a review of:
 Class Trip to Planetoid Wignut Open in new Window. [E]
Students take a class trip to a planetoid, and find an adventure they didn't expect
by Maryann Author Icon
Review by . . . Jeremy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Maryann

You are receiving this review of "Class Trip to Planetoid WignutOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..

*Gem* Areas of Strength

*Bullet* The characters in the story are vividly portrayed, each with distinct personalities and traits that make them memorable. For example, Sasha's excitement and fascination with everything around her, Ren's laid-back attitude, and Sateen's passionate and argumentative nature. These characteristics not only make the characters relatable but also add depth to the story, making it more engaging for the readers.

*Bullet* The dialogue in the story feels natural and authentic, effectively conveying the characters' personalities and emotions. For instance, when Sateen passionately argues about the use of knowledge chips, or when Ren teases Zeo about his scholarly interests, the dialogue flows smoothly and adds to the overall realism of the narrative.

*Bullet* The story maintains a good pace, keeping the reader engaged from beginning to end. The introduction sets the stage for the main plot, the mission to the Wignut Planetoid, and then builds tension with the cliff incident involving Sateen and Zeo. This incident serves as a turning point in the story, leading to the discovery of the Pilo rocks and the subsequent crisis with the teachers' chip malfunctions.

*Bullet* The plot is well-developed, with a clear beginning, middle, and end. The conflict with the Pilo rocks adds an element of danger and suspense, creating a sense of urgency for the characters to find a solution. This conflict also allows for the exploration of themes such as responsibility, teamwork, and the consequences of actions.

*Bullet* The story is rich in descriptive language, painting vivid images of the space station, the Wignut Planetoid, and the characters' surroundings. For example, the description of the space station's leisure wing corridor, with its amber light simulating sunlight, helps to create a futuristic and immersive setting for the story.



*Gem* Areas for Improvement

*Bullet* While the characters are well-developed, their motivations could be more clearly defined. For example, Sasha's motivation for joining the mission to the Wignut Planetoid could be explored further. Why is she so fascinated by the planetoid, and what does she hope to achieve by going there? To address this, you could add a scene where Sasha explains her reasons for wanting to join the mission, perhaps revealing a personal connection to the planetoid or a desire for adventure.

*Bullet* The resolution of the conflict with the Pilo rocks feels a bit rushed and could be more satisfying. For instance, after the rocks are neutralized, there is no mention of any consequences or aftermath. To improve this, you could add a scene where the characters reflect on the events and discuss how they plan to prevent similar incidents in the future. This would add depth to the resolution and show the characters' growth and learning from the experience.

*Bullet* While the story includes some interesting worldbuilding elements, such as the knowledge chips and the Wignut Planetoid, these could be further developed to create a more immersive and cohesive world. For example, you could expand on the history and culture of the space station, or delve deeper into the technology behind the knowledge chips. To enhance the worldbuilding, consider adding more descriptive details and background information throughout the story.

*Bullet* The relationships between the characters could be more fully explored, particularly the dynamics between Sasha, Ren, and Sateen. For example, Sasha's friendship with Ren and her rivalry with Sateen could be developed further to add depth to their interactions. To improve this, you could include more scenes that focus on the characters' relationships and how they evolve over the course of the story.

*Bullet* While the story is engaging, it could benefit from more emotional depth to further connect the reader to the characters and their experiences. For example, when Sateen and Zeo are trapped on the cliff, the emotional impact of the situation could be explored in more detail, highlighting their fear and desperation. To achieve this, you could add internal monologues or reflections from the characters, allowing the reader to empathize with their emotions.



*Gem* Overall Impression

Overall, the story is an engaging and imaginative sci-fi story with a strong foundation. The strengths of the story lie in its creative worldbuilding, well-developed characters, and exciting plot. The concept of the knowledge chips and the mysterious Wignut Planetoid add depth to the setting, while the characters, particularly Sasha, Ren, and Sateen, are compelling and relatable.

There are areas that could be improved to enhance the story further. These include clarifying the characters' motivations, particularly Sasha's, and expanding on the resolution of the conflict with the Pilo rocks to make it more satisfying. Additionally, the worldbuilding could be strengthened by delving deeper into the history and culture of the space station.

Despite these areas needing improvement, the story shows great potential and creativity. With some revisions and further development, the story has the makings of a captivating sci-fi adventure that will resonate with readers. Keep exploring the world you've created and delving into the characters' motivations and relationships, as these are the elements that will truly bring your story to life. Keep up the great work!



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Let your imagination run wild.

Set your creativity free.

We are the Free Folk.

And we do not kneel.


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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


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