\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745268
Review #4745268
Viewing a review of:
Image Protector
Them Buttons Open in new Window. [13+]
Abduction of a southern gentleman.
by Genipher Author Icon
Review of Them Buttons  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.
 
Image Protector
GROUP
The Iron Bank of Braavos Open in new Window. (13+)
For G.o.T. Activity
#1994693 by Gaby Author IconMail Icon
"Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. Hello fellow writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sky foxes.
Title: Them Buttons
First Impression: I like the conversational , aw shucks good ol' boy charm of this narrator. Nothing seems to disturb him. He is imperturbable. He takes things in his stride. He does not expel too much energy or thought bemoaning his abduction. What could he do but start touching the buttons and reacting to what they instigated. Even his story telling seems modest. He does not consider it boastful.
What needs your attention: "Deesintigreated." I realize you are imitating a dialect here ,but could this word still be spelled as 'deesintigrated'? "Well, Miss. Beauty's jaw drops, she shakes her head, and , "poof", she's gone!" I suggest these changes. "Well Miss Beauty's jaw drops. She shakes her head. (And) Poof. She's gone!" "Saved the world from a alien invasion." Okay, the narrator has a unique way of speaking. Is the word 'an' necessary before the word 'alien'? Maybe not. "Hellishish bright light"? Are there too many 'ishes'?
What part I liked best: As I already mentioned, I like the easy going way in which this abductee talks and I like his accent. It is funny that he repeatedly says "not the real..". "Not the insect." "Not a real slice." "Not real nails." "Not real straw." I love that he is not at all surprised to be attacked by a bear aboard an alien spaceship. He is also accepting of a strange, beautiful woman claiming to be pregnant with his baby. Oh well. He "wrastles" one and offers to marry the other. Hooray, mankind is now safe from invasion. He saved us all. No big deal. No sweat at all.
Overall Impression: This is a delight to read. I laughed all throughout. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.
(1834 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745268