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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4744942
Review #4744942
Viewing a review of:
 
The Locker Open in new Window. [E]
When nobody notices you exist...
by Genipher Author Icon
Review of The Locker  Open in new Window.
Review by NaNoKit Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Kit's Contest and Awards G...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Genipher Author Icon,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. [13+]. *Smile*

Overall Impression:

This is an interesting piece, dear author. I was as surprised at the outcome as Jayne was!

At the beginning of the story I thought that people were bullying Jayne. That she was one of those students unfortunate enough to be seen by the general student population as someone who can be treated as though they do not matter. When the girl with the goggles arrived I, like Jayne, wondered what she was about. Was this girl another bullying victim who had discovered safe spaces in the school building? As it turns out, there is a lot more going on, and Jayne finally finds her people.

It's not always easy to get the reader to care about your characters within such a short piece, but I genuinely wished the best for Jayne. I am glad that she finally feels seen - is seen. Melinda is interesting, too. I wonder what kind of adventures they will go on together, and if they will succeed in their goal. Well done!

Suggestions:

I have no suggestions, sorry. Not helpful, I know, but I could spot no errors and I like this story exactly the way that it is. Again, good job!

My Rating:

As you can tell, I enjoyed your story. I am glad that I found it.

I had no suggestions. Therefore, I will give this item the 5 out of 5 it deserves.

Thank you for sharing your work.

Write on!

Kit

House Lannister image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.





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