%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4744819 |
 |  | The Portrait  [13+] A boy goes off to war... (900 words)  |
| (5.0)  This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Hi Amethyst Snow Angel .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reviewing your offering "The Portrait" . The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer, and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  Overall Impression. You literally paint a poignant picture with your words. I truly enjoyed reading your offering. While I guessed the final outcome when you mentioned "not one snowflake", I still had a chill run up my back as Ralph recounted Sam's story.Your scene is well crafted with father, John, as a devoted father who while he enjoys the finer things in life (Rembrandt's painting), maintains his focus on his son, Sam. He patiently awaits Sam's return from war. Though the war drags on through the seasons, the father never loses hope. Sam in turn wants nothing more that spending his days taking care of his father. It's prophetic that Sam "tells" his father about Ralph, thus ensuring his father would be cared for no matter what. What a sad state of affairs with the human race that so often forces us into conflict. How far could the human race progress if all that energy was funneled into good, moving forward to benefit mankind. Just think of the brain trust that is sent as fodder for one man's whim.  Editorial Thoughts.  You used your dialogue sparingly; yet it moved your story along perfectly. I could hear a father talking with his son as though I was there. The passion in the tone of both was readily apparent. I found it interesting that you won your ribbon for achieving First place in a Horror contest. Your listed genre of Paranormal is perfect, and while I agree war is Horror itself, I'm not sure I would have offered this story to that particular competition. Congrats. Technical Considerations. I could find no fault with your grammar and punctuation. Well done.  Favorite Part. Sometimes words are not needed. Great ending. They sat together in silence for a long time while Sam's portrait smiled down at them.  My Rating. 5.0. Thank you for sharing your offering.
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
You responded to this review 04/15/2024 @ 11:19am EDT