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 Review #4744560 |
 | The First Day  [E] A tooth fairy endures learning on the job and on the wing.  |
| (4.5)| This is an unofficial Game of Thrones raid from brought to you by "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" :(Cause I quit GOT on 11 April 2024, but still wanna play the game unofficially  ).    HAPPY 10TH WDC ANNIVERSARY from "Anniversary Reviews" !!! What a day the poor fairy had to endure! I've to say that you've got quite a unique writing style—very unchildlike and catered to a more matured audience. I found it refreshing that you wrote a fantasy in that tone of voice. Also, how can I overlook how you've cleverly named your Main Character Orthodontia? I liked that. I loved how you've creatively put tooth fairies in a shift. Your opening would have had a great hook if it weren't for the punctuation issue you had right at the start of your story. Great! It was her first full shift as a tooth fairy and already Orthodontia had lost her satchel of dream dust. Nevertheless, I still like how you did hook us by making us wonder what happened to that fairy's satchel of dream dust. My favourite lines in your story would be this: Good thing too because the yellow tooth beneath his pillow seemed suspicious. Orthodontia could admit to being a rookie, but a canine's canine did not warrant a reward. Clever play of words. They made me laugh. Orthodontia now knew for a fact that dream dust did not dissolve[delete space], mix, or clump in water. I'm glad the fairy and her dream dust finally reconciled even though it was a tricky bit to get it back from the baby. Plot wise, your story is engaging. You put your MC through a wringer and all the conflicts, obstacles and adventures she had gone through only made it all the more interesting. Characterisation of the main character is well-told—she is clumsy and definitely a rookie tooth fairy. However, I do not see a character arc in your story. What has the character learnt from her misadventures? The framing of the story is done well. The story began and ended at the same place: the satchel of dream dust. I see the A Story (external conflicts), but I can't really see what the B Story is (internal conflicts). The MC regrets being a tooth fairy and considered applying as a water nymph? The fairy is not very good at her job though she had narrowly survived her first day, how did it transform her? If you could narrate the B Story that is the psychological impact or the underlying message of the story, it would make your story much, much stronger. It's already good and well-written. Just need a little more so that it lingers in your readers' heart. A good short story should have that impact on its readers. Title is okay. Straight-forward. And yes, I have to mention about formatting. While your story's formatting may work well for a printed book, it's really quite difficult to read on the screen. Do consider spacing out your lines and enlarging the font size. Don't hide a good story because of the formatting. If your readers struggle to read it, they may just skip it. | 3:11 (+8 GMT  , 14 April 2024, Sunday |CC: 3339 The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for sharing this with us and Write On!  Elycia Lee ☮ Happy 2025!   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 5:39pm EDT