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Review #4744289
Viewing a review of:
Hey! COME BACK WITH MY KID! Open in new Window. [E]
A visit to Fishermen's Wharf followed by Cable Car pandemonium, frays a family's nerves.
by Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ Author Icon
Review by JayNaNoOhNo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!



Hello, Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
I agree it's essential to have a plan and hope you never have to implement it.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
Despite the seriousness of the situation, the story is a light-hearted anecdote. I think this was a good approach, as it makes it an engaging educational tale more than a warning, and the message is more likely to resonate with the readers.

The plot is smooth as the charming family adventure escalates into a frantic and tense situation. It keeps the reader glued to the page throughout, and it has a satisfying ending (thank goodness!) filled with relief and humor once everyone regroups.

Also, I'm totally jealous of the ice cream.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
You've written in a way that feels realistic and dynamic. If you've taken any creative liberties, they are not apparent. It's a good retelling of the story, and I think it's important to touch on themes publicly when we can since the unpredictability of life is bound to find other families experiencing similar situations. The terror of a child gone astray is one that any parent can relate to, and I think the takeaway of planning in advance will resonate with them.

Interestingly, you've effectively made the setting a character with all of the rich details. This allows things like the cable cars to be active story participants rather than just props.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:

The story has a clear structure and flows smoothly, with a linear progression. I found no glaring spelling or grammar errors.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
This charming anecdote gently teaches the importance of family safety and forward-thinking. It's an engaging and quick read that I'm sure many parents would ultimately enjoy.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

JayNaNoOhNo Author Icon*Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.



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