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Review #4744278
Viewing a review of:
 Jealous Murder Open in new Window. [13+]
My first attempt at Mystery. A girl is murdered out of jealousy.
by Little Ray of Sunshine Author Icon
Review of Jealous Murder  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister


House Lannister image for G.o.T.



The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Little Ray of Sunshine! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window..

*Reading* A story of "Who Done It?" Teenagers deal with a death that happens to one among them. Who could have done such a thing and why? That's what the police are trying to figure out. Does someone, besides the killer, know the truth? And if so, will they tell? Read the story and find out.

The Plot/Storyline - You do a good job with the plot. You write a creative spin that leaves us surprised and satisfied. Nice job.

The Characters - There's quite a set of characters in your story. I'm not sure I'd want to go to this school! I guess you can find a set of characters like this at any school, though, It's kind of scary.

The Setting - As the story is mostly dialog, there's not a lot to the setting. You could add a few more descriptions and details throughout, I think it would help add to your overall piece.

What I Liked Best - The twists you write into the story. They truly elevate your piece.

Below are a few suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

*Bookopen* The first thing I'd do is change the format. It makes it a little hard to read. Maybe try separating each of the dialog lines with a space. I believe that will help a lot.

*Penv* against her hip,

No comma needed.

*Notepady* blonde hair and

A comma is needed after hair

*Tackb* Tracy been a member

Tracy had been a member

*Clip* Lorraine and Tasha.

A Comma is needed after Lorraine

*Bookstack* Tracy’s friends sister.”

Tracy's friend's sister."

Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. I enjoyed it.

*Heart* Intuey


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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