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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4744145
Review #4744145
Viewing a review of:
I Don’t See The Juncos, Anymore Open in new Window. [E]
Publisher's Pick in the 2014 WDC Anthology.
by Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ Author Icon
Review by JayNaNoOhNo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!


Hello, !

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
This is a nostalgic and reflective poem with vivid imagery.

*Checkb*Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:
The poem flows well and mirrors the ease with which you speak about nature and personal reflection. As free verse, it maintains the standard of avoiding meter but still maintains a steady rhythm that enhances the reader's experience. The natural pauses work to slow the reader down, allowing them to think about underlying themes and shift in tone toward the end.

*Checkb*Content:
The poem's sense of longing is readily apparent. The concept of change in both nature and the writer's life is examined through the metaphor of the Junco, and you handled the migration and changing seasons particularly well.

If I were to nitpick, I'd say some of the lines feel a bit too long, which is easily solved with rewording or line breaks with additional punctuation. However, this nitpick doesn't detract from the overall enjoyability of reading the piece.

You've used concrete imagery to enrich the poem and add value to the scene, creating a more complex environment (both literally and metaphorically). It makes for a poignant narrative that is sure to leave a lasting impression on the reader.

I'm sure choosing the junco was not an accident, as they are known for their seasonal shift, resiliency in challenging conditions, and modest appearance. They were an excellent choice to mesh with the introspective theme of the poem.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
I didn't find any problems with spelling or grammar. You've used punctuation well to help the ready pick up the cadence and force them to pause at areas of importance.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
I enjoyed this touching piece and found it to be touching and memorable.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

JayNaNoOhNo Author Icon*Smile*


My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.


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