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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4743944
Review #4743944
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The Smiling Rabbit Open in new Window. [E]
Keep calm and carrot on!
by Genipher Author Icon
Review by Jayngle Bells Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!



Hello, Genipher!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
I like the blend of science fiction with whimsy, and I'm a fan of anthropomorphic characters in this kind of setting.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
I like both. I think you could change your image to reflect the adventurous nature of the story better, as it's often the images that people notice first.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
The crash landing serves as a strong hook and sets the tone for the story. The plot has plenty of action and is fairly suspenseful. The first paragraph about the LDM could be shortened to keep the tension up, but overall, it was a driven plot that unfolded logically.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
Captain Thumper and Ensign Flopsy are well-rounded, and you've done their dialogue effectively. Thumper was believable as a leader, and Flopsy had a much different energy. The two played well off each other, with strong but fun actions and speech that developed their personalities.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
I found no problems with spelling or grammar. Ending the story on a cliffhanger left a lot of unresolved questions. Since there's no resolution, the reader gets no closure; this can be frustrating when there's no follow-up to the first installment. I don't know if the contest rules stipulate an entry must be a complete story, including a resolution, but if so, this wouldn't be a complete story.

This choice to leave it as a cliffhanger was bold and I often think it is a matter of stylistic differences as to whether or not a story is complete. Sometimes, it's not the cliffhanger itself, but simply its placement, and placing it at the height of the action seems to leave the reader hanging.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
You've created a wonderful world with solid characters. With a more defined ending, this will surely be a crowd favorite.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayngle Bells Author Icon*Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.



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