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Review #4743886
Viewing a review of:
Rusty and the Shillelagh  [18+]
The shillelagh belonged to the leprechaun.
by Legerdemain
Review by Jayne
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones"  review!



Hello, !

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
It's a fun story with a nice twist on reader expectations!

*Checkb*Title and Description:
I had no idea what a shillelagh was, but I knew I wanted to discover why it belonged to a leprechaun!

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
Starting off with the entrance of a leprechaun immediately sparks the reader's curiosity. Following it up with the bombastic, Rusty hooks the reader and sets the stage for the magical (and funny) interaction.

The plot is clear and logical, building up the tension as Rusty becomes more belligerent with each line of dialogue. The comical consequences of his decisions lead to an outcome that provides a unique twist to the typical bar-fight action scene.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
Providing translations in real time was extremely helpful, and I think you handled it well. The characters spoke and behaved naturally (I assume that was natural for a leprechaun), and the dialogue was lively and engaging. Tonally, Miche and Rusty have a similar vibe, but there was enough differentiation that neither felt flat, only similar in structure with different attitudes.

As a character-driven story, it must serve to push the plot forward without getting sidetracked into deep conversations. The dialogue is lively and character-driven, enhancing the personalities and motivations of the characters. Using the dialect to give a nod to the setting was one of the best ways to sidestep the need for excessive descriptions.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
I didn't find any glaring errors in this story. The only spot I questioned was in the first paragraph:

Miche, the bartender, looked up from polishing his glass. Maybe I missed it, but is it his glass or a glass for a bar patron? It might be clearer to specify that he is polishing "a glass."

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:


Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayne *Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" 



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