GROUP

The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Gaby ~ Way behind!

"Game of Thrones"  Hello Fellow Writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.Title: Sugar's RunFirst Impression: Wow! You retell quite the adventure here. I chose this story because I am a lifelong camper and have experienced my fair share of adventures. This type has never happened to me or my family. What a shame that your supposedly innocent and meant-to-be-fun cart ride ended suddenly, spectacularly with an accident. I am certain your parents did not anticipate such a dramatic beginning to the family vacation either.What needs your attention: I spotted a few minor things. "I knew the stables were to far away." That 'to' should be a 'too'. Again a 'too' is needed in "it was to late to swim." Oops, "pat" needs an 'h'. "Started carrying back the way.." Perhaps add 'him' to that sentence.What I liked best: The entire story is a shocker, but ends with the family enjoying their first camping trip, healed and happy. Overall Impression: This must be a wonderful memory. Thanks for allowing me to read your work. It has been a pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1186 characters)DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.