%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4743590 |
 |  | Faith Healer  [E] A lady botanist, a sick child and a black cat  |
| (4.5)| GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW This is a review for "Faith Healer" from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones"  The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  THE STORYConnie is hoping to meet a man and start a family, but she gets a little help from her Grandma and faith.  WHAT I LIKEDThe story had a nice flow to it. Once I started, I didn't want to stop. I wanted to find out if Connie was going to have a happy ending. I'm a sucker for happy ending.  POV NARRATION/TENSEThis is told in the third person omniscient from Connie's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. DIALOGUEThere's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue. FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I apologize for bursting in on you, Miss," he said with an awkward, pained wrinkle in his brow, yet a gentle smile on his face. "I desperately need your help." MY SUGGESTION: "I apologize for bursting in on you, Miss." He paused, and wrinkled his brow and wrung hands, and yet despite this, had a gentle smile on his face. "I desperately need your help." DESCRIPTIONSThere's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "The house was warm and dry, but outside the wind howled." I could easily visualize the scene in my imagination. SETTINGTIME: in the past PLACE: rural setting with cabins for houses This is something that was clarified for the reader. CHARACTERSConnie Connie is a kind hearted soul and deserving of a kind-hearted family.  MECHANICSI did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONSThe title fits the story well and the opening engages the reader. If anything, the part where Connie talks about the evil eyes seems a bit out of place or forced? I might strike up a conversation of faith and invite Ryan to pray, especially since she's gone out of her way to dissuade his fears over her being a witch. All together, it was a very enjoyable story! Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen  }
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You responded to this review 04/11/2024 @ 2:26pm EDT