%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4743571 |
 |  | Green Dragon  [E] Retirement is boring...  |
| (4.5)| Greetings Amethyst Snow Angel ! I am sending you a review of your story, "Green Dragon" . The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. WHY I AM REVIEWING THIS: I am one of the judges of "Fox's Socks Newbie Short Story Contest" . Also, as a bonus (for me), this review is for a "Game of Thrones" challenge. TITLE: I do like the title. It is relevant to the story and is intriguing. HOOK: You set the story up nicely at the beginning, but I wouldn't say you have an actual hook. SETTING: The story begins at a Florida retirement community with manicured lawns and lots of clubs and activities for the residents. It might seem like a picture-perfect retirement, but it isn't right for the main character, Liz. CONFLICT/STORYLINE: Liz is bored with retirement, so she gets a job with the CIA as a courier. No Wal-Mart greeter job for this lady. CHARACTERS: As a retired Chicago police officer, Liz finds the stale life at a Florida retirement community boring. She longs for challenges and maybe even a little danger.I suppose there are people out there who have a career they are very suited for, they are good at, and they love. This would explain someone who needs more stimulation after they retire.  DIALOG: Your dialog works well to bring interest to the story and move it along. POINT OF VIEW: Third-person point of view works very well for this story. NUTS & BOLTS:This line didn't quite make sense to me. When Liz is asked by the General what would convince her to stay, she replies:"Let's seeāsome common sense and decency, maybe?" I understand Liz wasn't happy about the fake stick-up, but this response still didn't quite work for me. I would have thought she would have asked for some honesty and trust. It's just a thought.  FINAL THOUGHTS: Thank you for entering the contest. 
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 04/11/2024 @ 2:28pm EDT