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 Review #4743571 |
 |  | Green Dragon  [E] Retirement is boring...  |
| (4.5)| Greetings Amethyst Agape Angel ! I am sending you a review of your story, "Green Dragon" . The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. WHY I AM REVIEWING THIS: I am one of the judges of "Fox's Socks Newbie Short Story Contest" . Also, as a bonus (for me), this review is for a "Game of Thrones" challenge. TITLE: I do like the title. It is relevant to the story and is intriguing. HOOK: You set the story up nicely at the beginning, but I wouldn't say you have an actual hook. SETTING: The story begins at a Florida retirement community with manicured lawns and lots of clubs and activities for the residents. It might seem like a picture-perfect retirement, but it isn't right for the main character, Liz. CONFLICT/STORYLINE: Liz is bored with retirement, so she gets a job with the CIA as a courier. No Wal-Mart greeter job for this lady. CHARACTERS: As a retired Chicago police officer, Liz finds the stale life at a Florida retirement community boring. She longs for challenges and maybe even a little danger.I suppose there are people out there who have a career they are very suited for, they are good at, and they love. This would explain someone who needs more stimulation after they retire.  DIALOG: Your dialog works well to bring interest to the story and move it along. POINT OF VIEW: Third-person point of view works very well for this story. NUTS & BOLTS:This line didn't quite make sense to me. When Liz is asked by the General what would convince her to stay, she replies:"Let's seeāsome common sense and decency, maybe?" I understand Liz wasn't happy about the fake stick-up, but this response still didn't quite work for me. I would have thought she would have asked for some honesty and trust. It's just a thought.  FINAL THOUGHTS: Thank you for entering the contest. 
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You responded to this review 04/11/2024 @ 2:28pm EDT