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 Review #4743266 |
  |  | White Balloons  [ASR] I passed by a cemetery today...  |
| (5.0)| Hallo Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ ! I will be reviewing your work "White Balloons" on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: This is a free verse poem, which recounts the poet's view of a funeral witnessed while passing by a cemetery and her thoughts on whom might have been buried on that rainy day. Pluses:There's something rather haunting about white balloons amidst a crowd of black beneath gray skies. The stark purity of the white against such brooding colors, already gives one an idea of whom was being put to rest on that day. Again, your imagery stands out, and you allow the reader to walk with you on that dreary day to witness the happenings at the same time. I also like the way you interspersed questions between each stanza, as if asking if the dead was able to recognize and appreciate what was taking place. One of the stand-out stanzas to me was this one: They stand sentry still stealthily grieving one whose fight was lost who sits among the clouds free-spirited, yet so stealthily spirited away. I think that captures, perfectly, how one feels about the passing of a loved one. The most painful part of it all, as we get to the end of the piece, is the realization that the little girl clutching onto her parent could only be burying a fellow sibling; hence the use of the white balloons. Very poignant indeed, especially the section where you wonder if the dead actually feels their love. One can only hope that the answer to that is a 'yes'. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. I can think of no suggestions to improve this as you're able to give voice to those thoughts we all seem to have while witnessing such occasions not related to us. Well done!    Thanks for sharing this wonderful poem, and keep on writing!   Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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