This is an exciting story. It has a little bit of a thriller feel to it. Though it is a ghost story it is not necessary a horror one though there is definitely a haunting feel to it. Both the flashback and the present day portions were very exciting to read through. There are some great dramatic moments in this story.

It is little bit nerve wracking to read a story dealing with an earthquake as my hometown of New York City experienced an earthquake just last week though luckily nobody was hurt in it. The lead in this story is faced with a really difficult decision as he has to decide between helping his pregnant wife and daughter. It is not an easy choice but makes for an exciting moment. The lead seeing his daughter's ghost was very dramatic moment and I thought it was told very well. There is a dreamlike element to his encounter with his daughter and remembering her past. The way that the story ends with the main character awakening from an accident was well done.

I recommend some of minor edits to this :
2nd Paragraph
- By the time he woke up
3rd Paragraph
- "What...? Where?" hesaid rubbing his head.
- For some reason there was something wrong about his house. Because he did not remember that it was next to a forest.
4th paragraph
-The electricity was gone so he had to stumble around the place
He turned it on.when suddenly. He heard a sound coming from upstairs. (Remove the periods...this can all be one sentence.)
-young teenage girl
7th Paragraph
- When suddenly heavy shaking woke him up.
- When you arrived you had to wait... but then you felt the depression of his loss. (You should be he)

A couple of notes.
1) I love the classic opening line "It was a dark and... night"
2) Try to watch your tenses slightly and proofread aloud to help reduce typo and errors.
3) The pov shifts between the third person (he) to 2nd person (you) a lot. I think for this story. The third person works best.

Overall though I think this was a very good story and enjoyed reading it. Thank you for writing!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .