"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Happy to Write

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: I have a different dream today

First Impression: Martin was an impressive man, father, public speaker and pastor. His beliefs were inspirational then and still apply today.

What needs your attention: "However, the struggle has changed some in the last %0 nor so years since" I believe you intended 50 or so years.

In the first paragraph the author states the dream is reasonable. Four sentences later repeats the dream is reasonable. It's redundant. The second time doesn't add to the discussion.
that children with limited abilities is a new sentence beginning That should be capitalized

What part I liked best: The author wants us to remember equality issues still exist for many. Martin opened the door partway but it's not fully opened yet. We have a responsibility to each other to make sure everyone is equal regardless.

Overall impression: The author should revisit this piece and organize the pargraphs to address one concern and then move onto the next paragraph with a separate concern. It will help organize the author's thoughts and make the message clearer and not simply a ramble. There's potential here, it just needs tweaking.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Yellow case # 4


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .