%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4742970 |
 | Mirallia Historia: The Escape  [13+] Chased. Exhausted. Your ancestory was once proud, and now you're fleeing. Is there safety?  |
| (4.0)| A "Game of Thrones" by Gaby ~ Way behind!  ReviewStoryline: A Teifling is running, clutching a book to her chest as she is chased down by guards and a very angry guard captain determined to catch her. His disdain for her is evident in every derogatory name that comes out of his mouth. Spelling/Grammar Issues: The structure of this short story could use some cleaning up. Perhaps setting the dialog apart from the storytelling. It would make it easier to read and look better on the page. Description: You do well here, painting the scene of what is happening. Her fear at being captured was easy to grasp. There is enough backstory of what happened to her ancestors to know that her fear is warranted. That, coupled with the conversation between a guard and the captain, lets the reader know that if she is found, it wouldn't be good for her. Good job showing the alcove she hides in, and that she is out of breath as she waits for them to pass. Overall Impression: I do not know enough about this genre to understand some of the terms you've used, but the story itself was enjoyable. You captured my interest right away with the chase. I wanted to know who she was, why she was running, and why the guards were pursuing her. There is enough backstory to understand that her ancestors were once important and she is carrying on in their place. Final Thoughts: I was curious as to the importance of the book she guarded with her life, as well as who her boss was. These questions have piqued my curiosity enough to make me want to read more of this story. I see you have another one in your portfolio, and I hope to get a chance to read that one as well. Happy Account Anniversary! The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  
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