\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742543
Review #4742543
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor
Review by Jayngle Bells Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Image for Activity


This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!



Hello, Elizabeth!

*Checkb*Title and Description:
The title is exactly what would be expected, and it feels like this story could be a piece in a longer collection of exciting snippets from her life.

The description, on the other hand, falls short. I understand how things get labeled as contest entries/contest winners, but from my years of running the Quills, I've learned that readers look at the story image (cover) to get clues as to the genre/themes and the description to decide if they want to read the item. Think of it like a book blurb -- it's the teaser to get readers to click through and get their eyeballs on your work.


*Checkb*Hook and plot:
The opening of your story immediately grabs the reader's attention. It uses the intriguing premise of a journal entry to express Mary's unhappiness. This sets the stage for a delightful and unexpected twist with the cows. The progression from mundane workplace grievances to an extraordinary and comedic event is executed smoothly, ensuring that the plot remains engaging throughout. The story benefits from its clear structure and logical sequence of events, ending in a satisfying resolution.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
Mary is well-defined and relatable. She vividly conveys her aspirations and frustrations, providing a strong emotional element to the story. Although there's no direct dialogue, the interaction with the farmer is fantastic. By giving no characters other than Mary a direct voice, you create a space where she can come into her own.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
The story is well-written, with no noticeable technical distractions. The narrative flows smoothly, and the first-person perspective is maintained consistently throughout.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
Your story is a delightful blend of humor, unexpected adventure, and personal growth. Mary's journey, even if that journey was just for one day, was a pleasure to read.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayngle Bells Author Icon*Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.



The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742543