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 Review #4742355 |
 | Not So Lonely  [18+] Ana falls in love with a werewolf on Island Dupree and they start a new life together.  |
| (3.0)| This is a "Game of Thrones" raid by House Florent brought to you by:    HAPPY 1ST WDC ANNIVERSARY from "Anniversary Reviews" !!! Hello there, Jessiestarcreator1 . This is a sweet and simple werewolf romance story. Good hook, but nothing out of the ordinary. I think it would be far more interesting if you started your story with: My name is Ana Dupont and I fell in love with a werewolf. Something of that effect. Especially when you are writing a short piece, you want every word to count. You chose to tell this story from the first person point of view: I. My biggest issue with this story is that there are a lot of telling and not showing. Because you tell us what happened instead of showing us what had taken place, I, as your reader, feel no emotional connection to the story. For example, Despite my initial reservations, we soon struck up a conversation and discovered that we had many common interests. He was kind, thoughtful, and funny, and I found myself opening up to him in ways that I never had with anyone else. Don't tell us. Show us how. Write the actual dialogue out and show us the look on their faces as they struggle to strike up that initial conversation. Your job as a writer is to show us how 'he' is 'kind, thoughtful, and funny'. It is like playing taboo. You are not allowed to use the words and make us readers figure out that he were those things through non-verbal communication, body language and dialogues. Your story also lacked conflict. There was no conflict between the main character and the love interest except when it reached the climax when there was a werewolf attack. If there is no conflict, there is no story and when your readers get bored, they will just move on from your story. There was also no indication that the female lead is a werewolf until the end. Try using the foreshadow technique or drop some hints to tell make us suspect she is a werewolf. It was more interesting when I thought it was a story of a human being falling in love with a werewolf, but it got boring when I realised she too was a werewolf. Your characters are also pretty flat. There was nothing interesting about them and I think it's because your characters never really had the chance to shine cause of all the telling and no showing. Give them a personality that is quirky, relatable, or someone everyone wishes they have in their life—like the perfect boyfriend who did all the right things. Most of all, stories must have character transformation. Usually, it's the MC. There should be an external conflict (The A Story) and internal conflict (The B Story) that will lead the main character to learn something most important from her whole experience in her story. And that is what makes a good story. Watch this video to get a clearer picture of what I'm saying. This is by far my favourite video about the 3-Act Structure of Storytelling . When I get stuck, I always come back to this and try to outline my story according to what I see here. It really makes a huge difference to my own story and therefore, I hope that it can help you too. The ending was a good happy ending. A good short story will leave an impactful last sentence that will stay in the reader's heart like an echo or give readers a satisfying ending. Please don't get disheartened by the review. Instead, take this and really look into your story, challenge yourself and work on it. If you need any guidance, feel free to email me. I'm not a teacher, just a peer who thinks she can help improve your story because she's been there and she has written worse stories that should have never seen the light of day.  | 23:17 (+8 GMT  , 6 April 2024, Saturday|CC: 3962 The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for sharing this with us and Write On!  Elfycia Lee ☮   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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