Birdwatchers [GC] Two people are bird watching in a park. |
Hello michael-s I'm sending this review in connection with "Game of Thrones" . Positives It's a pleasure to find another screenwriter here on the site! There aren't many of us, so I always enjoy getting a chance to read scripts whenever I get the chance. Suggestions In general, I'm a little confused about what this scene is supposed to be. It starts out with a racist interaction between a white woman and a black man, and then abruptly ends with the woman getting killed by the birds she was watching. I think a little additional context for the transition between these two elements of the scene. I also think a little more context is needed for the intro to the scene. As written, the very first line of dialogue is a white woman acting attacked and threatened by a black man for no reason. It feels like it comes a little out of nowhere; I think you need some additional dialogue or action description to give context for her strong reaction to a relatively mundane interaction. Overall Overall, it's always difficult to fully evaluate a small vignette rather than an scene or a full script, but I think there's some potential here to turn this into a really compelling scene if you expand the exposition a little, provide some additional context, and transition between the interaction and the ending a little more smoothly. I hope this helps! Respectfully, Jeff "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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