"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Jackiesmuse

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Mystery Container

First Impression: One line is in bold and nothing else to indicated if it is a contest entry. There's a lot of jumping in this story without natural transitions like for instance Yogurtini to a container home to a steel coffin.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors but I did feel the pacing was off and the story lacked natural flow from one point to the next. Like the blonde joke comment, came out of nowhere and so did the Twilight Zone comment.

What part I liked best: I'm wondering what is in the choca mocha, I need to drink some to make it through GOT.

Overall impression: Eddie and Albert begin this adventure at Yogurtini. From there Eddie is missing and Albert is inside some kind of steel enclosure and a woman named Molly is telling him she's there for their blind date. Just writing this I'm confused because the story didn't follow a natural transition for the reader so I was left wondering at the different mentioned places how we got there.

The story could be fun if the author smooths out the storyline, so it feels cohesive.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .