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Review #4742098
Viewing a review of:
 Brittney’s Fishing Trip  [E]
"The Pickle Kids" Completed a thorough edit using Grammarly, any suggestions?
by Lazy Writer est 4/24/2008
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
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I love a good children’s story, and this is one of them. I remember reading and reviewing one of your other Pickle Kids stories; I should read the rest of them as well.

A simple recounting of a girl’s “dad time,” enjoyable and memorable, as told by the little girl herself. The vocabulary and style reflects this limited first person perspective, and you’ve done a pretty good job with that. I might suggest giving us more scenic descriptions, but it’s not really required here… we all know what a pond in the woods looks like *Laugh*

I would recommend using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. I also note a number of tiny typos that Grammarly failed to catch. I’ll list them here for you:

~ not like Dad'! When describing the mom’s hair
~ I hopped out of, ran around You could drop the word “out” here.
~ to get the line I'm. “I’m” should be “in.”
~ I noticed a lot of sentences are double spaced in between like this which was probably a result of using Grammarly. (Twitter does that sometimes when I write something using my iPad, and it drives me crazy)

Other than that, everything is fine. You may want to add a word count to the subtitle so people know how much time it’ll take to read and review. Also, it’s a good habit to begin taking a word count and posting it to everything you write in case you happen to be writing something for a contest.

Thanks for sharing and take care *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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