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The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Gaby

"Game of Thrones"  Hello fellow writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.Title: Spices, Jerk and ChiliFirst Impression: This is hot. You write about California, a beach, Jamaicans, jerk, romantic relationships and chili. All spicy, zesty things. Derice and Junior are likeable, hard-working fellows who support each other and seek to create a better life for themselves. With perseverance and determination they become entrepreneurs, popular, successful businessmen. It is a feel good story. They deserve my cheers.What needs your attention: I cannot see anything that requires an edit, or a re-write. This is well written. The dialogue is believable and great. You reproduce the Jamaican accent and it is fun to read out loud. The text you chose to use is easy on the eyes. Wait, I espied a typo? " All the locals where surprised." I believe you intended to use the word 'were.'What part I liked best: Of course, I liked the surprise ending. Junior snuck in and won with the chili he had been perfecting while supporting his cousin. So many concentrated on the jerk and expected it to be a winner. The idea of heat is repeated in the food competition, the rivalry. The resulting romances and their unspoken passions, heat, cause the story to simmer as well. There is a hint of parental matchmaking, cute.Overall Impression: This reads like a chapter to a much longer book, an opening chapter. You have set the saga and now raise questions. What comes next for the intrepid cousins? Will there be a double wedding? Will there be a brick and mortar restaurant run by the two chefs? Where is the rest of this story?Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully. (1856 characters)DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. this is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.