"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Sumojo

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Sarah

First Impression: oh boy, a scary tale. I'm going to have to remember to post scary word combinations for blog posts you have a knack for it. I'm assuming this is for one of the writing contests with the 300 word count listed in the description and the highlighted words.

What needs your attention: in this sentence you'll get more bang for your word count-
She opened the curtains and peered through the lounge room window to check if she could see any lights and dropped the phone with a clatter on the hardwood floor" if you say She opened the curtain and peered through the lounge window because we know its a room. Then continuing in the same sentence -to check for lights. And still the same sentence. The phone clattered onto the hardwood floor. That removes some extra words that don't add to your piece and leaves room for added suspense. There are other places you can do the same.
What part I liked best: I love darkness like you described. I don't find it scary I actually find it soothing. When I loved in Maine, I used to stop at the lake on my way home from my second job stocking shelves at a department store and take a dip in the lake. My favorite times were when the moon wasn't visible at all, it seemed like the I was only living creature left.

Overall impression: Fun entry to read.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? See you blogging again once this is over.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .